Friday, August 6, 2010
There are those moments you come to in life -- the make or break moments -- where you can't truly appreciate how terrifying they are unless you're living it. Moments such as now. My Captain is out of a job, let go last Friday after seventeen years with his company. After the WTF? moment, it was hard for both of us to breathe. Two kids in college, two in high school and one week later, we're still swimming in the WTF moment.
And today, as I'm finally seeing the horizon after months and months (years) of writing and editing my first novel, I hear this from Dorchester -- yes, they're going digital with barely any notice to the authors expecting release dates in the next few months. Which begs the questions: what is happening to the publishing industry? Can authors make as much in e-book sales as in the traditional way?
I have to wonder if pursuing a writing career is really the wisest thing to do right now, especially in my circumstance. Is it even lucrative anymore, or semi-lucrative at least? Yes, it's been my dream since before I started college. Yes, I put it off to raise the kids. And yes, it's still my biggest dream, even beyond traveling to exotic lands and suddenly finding myself able to eat dairy without breaking out in hives.
But at what point should the dream stay a dream for awhile so you can get your ducks in order? Guarantee things such as food on the table, mortgage paid, bills done?
My dream is so near. I won't give it up yet because I've invested a lot in my novel. And I finally almost have it to the point where I'm comfortable shopping it. But in the meantime, I'm at a terrifying place in my life. I hope, as Bernice Reagon said above, I discover who I really am. And what I discover will be good.